“Why is my life so shit?”

Good question.  I’m not sure exactly why your life is so shit but I have some ideas.

angry shit bunny, lime green fleece

Why?  Because I’ve been there.  At numerous points, my life was shit.  Sometimes in a really bad way.

Here are some reasons why your life might be shit:

Maybe your life is shit because you’re trying to live up to someone else’s expectations of what your life should be.

Maybe it’s shit because you’re following a script you didn’t write.

Maybe it’s shit because you don’t actually know what excites you any more.  (Reality TV, porn, and video games don’t count)

Maybe your life is shit because you have a partner you don’t love wholeheartedly.  Maybe it’s shit because you don’t love yourself that way either.

Maybe your life is shit because you are young and other people are controlling where you live, how you live, and how much access you have to financial freedom.  (Hang in there.  You’ll get to call the shots one day.)

Maybe your life is shit because you’ve been hurt by people and can’t see beyond it.  Maybe it’s shit because you’re still allowing yourself to be a victim of things long past.

Maybe your life is shit because you achieved what you thought would bring you happiness, only to discover that your hypothesis was wrong and the loneliness is still replete.

Maybe it’s shit because you attach too much meaning to things instead of experiences.

Maybe it’s shit because you’re terrible at letting go.

Maybe it’s shit because you’ve acted a little crazy in the past and pushed away people who wanted to love you but couldn’t.

Maybe your life is shit because you’re boring.  (You know who you are.)

Maybe your life is shit because you’re telling yourself a really big lie and determined to believe it (“I have a job people would kill for!  I’m so lucky!”).  That’s not good.  Please tell yourself the truth.

Maybe it’s shit because you spend way too much time worrying about what other people will think.

Or maybe it’s shit because contrary to years upon years of empirical evidence, you still choose to belief that jerkface voice in your head that tells you you’re not enough…that you’re not worthy.

It’s never too late to shift the story.  The only things between a shit life and a great one are the choices you make and the thoughts you choose.

Trust me on that.

I know you’ve got something to say about this, so please leave your comments below.  Especially if your life used to be shit and now it’s not.  Help your brothers and sisters out.

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About the author

Heather Author: Heather Thorkelson is a small business strategist for people with heart. She's crazy grateful to make her living helping other people lay the foundations so that they too can live as they dream. Don't be shy - connect with her here in the comments or over on Google+

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  • Anna May 13, 2013, 2:43 pm

    I like that it’s like “shift the shit!”. I am sort of annoyingly positive now…so when I tell new friends about the struggles, depression, and terrible attitude I used to have they look at me and are like “WTF, seriously?” They don’t even believe me.

    I woke up one day and was sick of hearing myself complain. I decided that if I felt tempted to complain, I would actually just start immediately accepting what I was complaining about OR working towards changing it.

    This shift changed my life, my partner, and my business within one year…all for the better might I add! When you realize your own power with a simple shift…it is hard not to be pretty optimistic!

    • Heather May 13, 2013, 3:13 pm

      Haha, I love that “shift the shit” Anna – well put! You’re a great example of what I’m talking about at the end of the post. You can’t wait for someone to hand you an answer on a platter. You literally have to stop your thoughts (actively) and change the way you think/change the way you make choices. It’s both the most simple, and the most difficult thing in the world. But once you make the shift, it’s hard to ever be really unhappy again. Rather magical, no? Thanks for your comment and for being a part of the Republic!

  • Rinu May 13, 2013, 3:44 pm

    Oh maaan this was me throughout secondary school and most of my first year at uni. I felt like I was crap at everything, had no friends, would always compare myself to others etc. Until one time I was at a talk during a conference and the speaker was saying something along the lines of ‘for goodness’ sake, why are you choosing to be miserable?’ Her using that verb ‘choose’ was so powerful for me and I finally realised how stupid it was that I was choosing to be sad and feel sorry for myself. Of course I still have those feelings, and quite often, but I think it’s important to remember not to be hard on yourself to change instantly, as it’s a learning process that will take time and consistent practice.

    Another point, I’ve noticed that a lot of the time I will know something to be true e.g. ‘I can do anything I set my mind to’ ‘I’m destined for and worthy of greatness’ but at the same time I just don’t *feel* it to be true about myself. I would say that it’s important not to stress out trying to force yourself to feel it. Just hold on to the knowledge and that will carry you through until your heart fully chooses to accept it (for me, it always comes at an unexpected time!)

    • Heather May 14, 2013, 3:17 am

      Hey Rinu! Yeah…I couldn’t agree more. It’s a process. You don’t just wake up and everything’s different. But you do have to choose. Every minute, every day. You choose the thoughts you’re going to buy in to. My approach when I don’t “feel” something even if I think it logically is to fake it til I make it. Thanks so much for sharing your experience here.

  • Alistair May 13, 2013, 5:22 pm

    Ha! At my low points I’ve been known to type such questions into Google in a vague sense of desperation. The problem is Google doesn’t hold the answer. As you said, it’s a question of perspective. Choosing to stop believing the bullshit was the answer! Thanks for sharing.

    • Heather May 14, 2013, 3:18 am

      Thanks for inspiring me to write the post Alistair!

  • Rachel May 29, 2013, 2:23 am

    Ooh! How I love this post. I ask myself why my life is shit daily and I’ve come up with various answers. The two that keep coming back to me are 1) I’m not sure what excites me, and 2) I’m doing what other people think I should do. Boo! I have a growing and “successful” business doing something I don’t love. As a result, I’m in a constant struggle to break free from the industry stereotype and make it in to something I do love. So, “the only things between a shit life and a great one are the choices you make and the thoughts you choose” is exactly what I need to fill my head with tonight. Thanks!

    • Heather May 29, 2013, 1:54 pm

      I’m so glad this post hit home with you Rachel. That’s a tough spot to be in but at least you recognize it and aren’t just floating along feeling lost. Even though the next steps are daunting (figuring out what excites you and figuring out what you want to do instead of should be doing), they’re so worth it! And know that you’re not alone. There are many of us out here on the interwebs to support you. :)

  • Greg Weber July 21, 2013, 4:45 pm

    “Or maybe it’s shit because contrary to years upon years of empirical evidence, you still choose to belief that jerkface voice in your head that tells you you’re not enough…that you’re not worthy.”

    I think that’s why my life is shit, even though it’s not really shit on the outside, but totally shit on the inside. It basically comes down to me despising myself and not knowing how to stop.

    • Heather July 26, 2013, 12:32 pm

      Greg, your comment broke my heart a little. I don’t know you, but I know the feeling of despising myself and not knowing how to stop. All I can say is that we only get one life and the indignance of knowing I was wasting mine hating myself led me to turn things around. You might want to check out Kamal Ravikant’s Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It (http://www.amazon.com/Love-Yourself-Like-Depends-ebook/dp/B0086BX8UE). It’s a seriously awesome read. I hope this helps.

  • Peter September 23, 2013, 2:25 pm

    Life is shit because it is. There is no point to it! I used to believe that if you don’t hurt anyone, or anything intentionally, if you get focus on moving forward, if you help as many charity as you can, if you have no hatred in your heart and be a good person, then you can at least a normal life BUT I was so wrong.
    I tell you why my life is shit because after all these years, I have had to leave my job as I was subjected to lots of unfair treatments, the only person that I thought he loved me (well he used to constantly say it) buggered off with someone else (and no, I didn’t nag and I was beyond good to him, ask anyone), and then I was told that I can’t have a child (even I saved up for last 5 years just to have a child, that was my ultimate goal). I have been trying to find a job for at least 7 months and all I get is you are too qualified, you are under qualified, you are too nice(! yes that was exactly what I was told today!!!), you are not living close by and the list goes on and on and on…
    Life is shit because you never know what shit is just around the corner to hit you in the face and when you try to manage and get up and clean up and try to create some sort of false hope and positive attitude in your life, then it hits again. It is not bloody worth it

  • Peter September 23, 2013, 2:42 pm

    BTW, I am working my backside off to change the situation but every “f”ing day another “F”ing problem pups up. I am not a young person with spots that doesn’t know what I am doing. I am trying to achieve but this bloody life doesn’t even give me a chance to breath before raising another wall right in front of my face. I AM TIRED. I CAN’T GO ON! I really really can’t a way through this.

    • Heather September 23, 2013, 11:06 pm

      Peter, I am so sorry. I don’t know what to say other than I understand that tiredness all too well. It’s exhausting when the odds feel totally against you at all times. When you get kicked again and again when you’re already down.

      What do you need right now, on a fundamental level? If you have no one nearby who can help you through this, what can us relative strangers on the internet do to help you get up and face tomorrow, and the next day, and the next?

      • Peter September 24, 2013, 6:09 pm

        Thank you Heather. I have absolutely no idea what I can do anymore. I am only trying to keep going and take everyday as it comes. I can’t think of tomorrow anymore. I am scared of what else can go wrong when tomorrow comes. I have lost hope and self confidence. That is a really bad place to be in. I don’t know what is going to happen to me. I am tired of fighting and thinking. Sorry to be such a negative and weak person but I can’t help it right now. sorry! I appreciate your kind words and consideration however.

        • Heather September 24, 2013, 10:12 pm

          No need to apologize Peter. There is much courage in vulnerability, even if it doesn’t feel that way to you. I was very much where you are about 13 years ago. I could barely get out of bed. I couldn’t remember when the last time was that another human touched me (and I’m big on the hugs), and I very much felt that if I died in the converted garage I was living in that no one would notice for a while. No confidence, very little hope, no one believing in me. I often thought that death would be so much easier. That it would bring me peace. But I did what you’re doing. I took every day as it came. I slowly climbed out. And obviously things turned around for me quite a bit. I really wish the same for you. Feel free to come back here any time you need to reach out and be heard, Peter. I mean it.

          • Peter September 30, 2013, 6:47 am

            Thank you Heather. Your words means a lot to me. Maybe (only maybe) one day my life turns around for me too. Maybe I just hang on a bit more. Thank you

  • Mia Lee October 22, 2013, 1:38 am

    Many of the things in your post hit me in which a lot of my trials and tribulations are due to the fact that I contributed to my negative outcomes. It’s difficult when you try so hard to change and turn your life around and it pushes you back 20 steps. I am thankful that there are people like you who can empathize and understand with some of the people in the world who want to call it quits or are living in mental agony, me being one of them. Your post means a lot and I only hope that there is still some willpower in me to continue on and change my situation.